Cats

       People say single women who have reached a certain age have a fond of cats. I don't think I have reached that age, but I do fit in the cat person category.
       Waking up in the afternoon because of coming home late from a get-together in the city, I decided to take a day off from people. It's New Year's Eve, continuing on my apartment cleanup and furniture rearrangement.
        I know I am not alone when receiving New Year blessings. I may not have anyone by my side right now, but watching New Year videos from friends aren't bad as a leisure entertainment.
        Stretching my beck, now back to work!

The Ring

       I found a ring on my desk when I cleaned up my hoard today. It perfectly fits my ring finger, so I thought, why not keep it on? If I have to say the meaning of this ring, it's a reminder that I am not available, to anyone. Sami said it's okay to decide not to have a love relationship now but once it happens, no one can stop. 

       After going through so many relationships and breakups, I am lost again, not sure what love is. I used to think love was an impulsive feeling. It makes your heart beating fast and your mind losing control. I once believed love was a logic as well. You build a  cost-and-benefit diagram or use some sort of analysis to know if you love the person. Maybe I know the love definition, but I cannot yet handle it. Heart beat comes fast and leaves fast. I tried to preserve it in a jar, but jar is made of glass, which can be easily broken once it is dropped on the ground. Critical thinking is a slow process, and many times my conclusion turned out negative. 

       So which way to start love is better? I guess I don't care anymore because I am not available, to anyone. 

Today

        I finally got my butt out of my bed. I am tired of the pathetic me, dying inside out and begging for something doesn't belong to me. Rearranging furnitures at a different angle and sweating out the uselessness can be a new start.
        I apologize for my immature behaviors last night. I am doing great now, lying on my couch, watching Monk. Teehee!

The Reason

        I always went to his apartment without notice. He said it was rude, but I never listened although I promised not to do it again many times. I called him many times per day. He used to hang up when I called, and then texted me back instead. I got mad at him very often because of this and that and forced him to apologize to me. I cry a lot too, for my friends, my family, him and myself. He must be very tired of my tear. He had many shortcomings as well, often being upset at me and leaving me behind.
       But they were not the reason he avoided me. He must have been very hard on himself in the past few weeks. My heart is bleeding, how can I stop my tear?

Pool

       The weather report says today is abundant sunshine, so I decide to come to this old place again to enjoy my little bit of old memories. At this old place, they replaced the outdated pool chairs with new furnitures. Price tags are still clinging at the edge of the new chairs. Here, used to be my favorite place to hang out.
       My last summer was great, meeting different people and falling in love. It seemed perfect for a young adult. I think even if time reversed, I would again make the same choice. No regrets for life, but old has been always replaced with new. That's reality.

Snow Day Thought

       He used to say two people would have compassion for each other if they were in love. I finally get to know him, but never understand. Love is not being blindly tolerant to the other, but to accept from the heart. I can be tolerant, but I am not ready to accept. Tyler said Hawaiians would stack up rocks from big to small to make blessing wishes. I am building one to wish him the best to find a girl who accepts and loves him with her heart, unlike me.
       Special thanks to Ann and Lee. I know you guys love me.

I Am Now Single

Many words, many questions, many answers, and still silence. I couldn't deal with what I was supposed to face, so I deactivated my Facebook. I am sure I will be back when I feel better. Thank you.

Zixin

My Christmas Wish

       When I was watching the drama, In Time With You, I couldn't help assembling myself with the main character. That's the only thing I don't like about those dramas. They always make things somewhat similar to every one of us and make us believe we are the Cinderella. However, one thing in In Time With You interests me.
       To most people, including myself, a strong heart beat is the standard, or reason, to go after someone. But as time passes, things happen and difficulties get in the way, and we start feeling less strong. We soon forget about that one strong heart beat we once experience. Maybe it's become a habit, after over exposure to something impulsive.
       If you are like me, looking for the once heart beat, or like some other people, looking for your first impulsive moment, here is my little advice. It's somewhere in the corner, playing hide-and-seek with you.
     
       It's White Christmas this year. Although weather had gone too crazy and unpredictable lately, snow arrived just in time to meet up with Santa. While many of my friends are posting their lovely pictures of family, gifts and blessings on Facebook, I feel a little dispirited without receiving any gifts. Think about it twice, I never asked for anything. Why would I receive anything? Ha ha.
       As my age increases, I realize the gifts I wish for cannot be given. I wished for toys when I didn't have companies to play with; I wished for lots of lucky money when I had no concept of digits; I now wish for the happiness of my own and my family because nothing else is more important. It is also something that I need to earn by myself.
       Special thanks to one of the most important person in my life. He is always available and be there for me. I feel the warmth from friendship. 郵件寄送中...

Christmas Break

       While most people are going home for Christmas, I am staying in my apartment, alone. It's not that I don't want to see my family and friends back in China, but due to my Visa restrictions and life schedule, I can't. 

       I thank many people for their concern and interest in my Hawaii trip. The trip was moderate. After I survived from food poison, trust me, anything amazing had become not so amazing. The only worthwhile was that I finally had a chance to meet Tyler again after our farewell in Seoul, Korea. He is a native Hawaiian who is very welcoming. He drove me around the Honolulu island and gave me a tour to some of the best beach spots along the shore. What can I ask for more from a friend like that!? 

       Ryan came to my apartment to have dinner with me tonight before he went home for Christmas. For some reason, he told me I should have a hobby. I do have some, but I guess he just never notices. I love blogging. Although I enjoy writing and sharing my stories so much, I reserve some in my privacy and decide what to post and what not to. I love hiking. My life pace has gone too fast that I need to slow down to take a look at the things around me, like moss and lava. Most importantly, I enjoy billiard, the second common between me and Ryan. Because of many reasons, he stopped playing, and I lost a good partner to play with. I didn't stop my hobby, but I need to find another person to challenge. Hmm, I sound disappointed in my boyfriend, don't I? I simply thought he knew what I like. 

        Ryan and I have reached a very calm point that most couples experience. I don't feel butterflies any more, and he seldom laughs. He says we are fine in our relationship, but I think we are just bored of each other. We are TOO fine. Hopefully we would have fireworks again soon. 

        Merry Christmas! =) 

To Ryan

Dearest Ryan,

It is good to be back, seeing your familiar face right after I got off the plane from Hawaii. Sorry for the flight delay. I know you had been waiting.

Did I tell you that I missed you very much when I was in Hawaii? Lying in bed in the hospital didn't reduce my thinking of you. Vomiting made me look pale and unhealthy. I was thankful having my parents by my side, but I greedily wished you were with me when my stomach was torturing me. I simply wanted to hear from you. Phone call, or text.

Love from,
Zixin

Another Offer Another Decision

       I received another job offer today. The job is at Xerox in Yukon, 50 minutes drive from Norman. After considering the wage and work experience that I can, or cannot, earn from this job opportunity, I am thinking not to accept the offer. Uneasiness is actually bothering my mind. Before having any job offer, I lost confidence in my capability and almost gave up on job hunting; but now, after meeting managers from different companies and receiving emails saying they are glad to invite me to join their big families, I become so picky about minimum salary, benefits and job title. I am not a greedy person at all, but peer pressure and self-esteem have made me dream big. Sigh, reality...
       After my trip to Yukon, Mr. Gooby and I had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. We were so hungry that I didn't even want to go back home to change my suit before we ate. Mr. Gooby then decided we should both dress in suits. We looked absurd in the restaurant, but couldn't stop being cute. Business dress attire wasn't a must, but I guess Mr. Gooby has his fantasy on being match-y with his girlfriend. I am glad I call him mine. =P
       Have a good night!

I Miss Him

       While everybody is studying hard for finals, I am pretty much merely waiting for my big day, Graduation Reception. Mr. Gooby would rather use our time together to study, so we would probably not hang out until I get back from Hawaii next Thursday.
        I pictured my dad, my mom, Mr. Gooby and I taking pictures at the Reception, but apparently he could not make it because of a family trip to McAlester. I haven't seen him since last Saturday. My mind is full of him right now, even when I look at my own toy, I assemble his face with the stuffed animal. Sigh, the symptom of missing my boyfriend has infinitely severed. What can I do?!

Nothing Special

       Earlier in the week, I got a great news about me being hired by a company in California; but now, I've decided not to, or I shall say I cannot, take the offer. Long story short, besides the company itself has a shady background, I am not even legal to work before I receive my Authorized Work documents in February. It sucks being an international job seeker. Oh well, I believe everything will work out eventually. =)
       
       Dialogue with Mr. Gooby:
       Me: What would you do if I got lost? Would you keep looking for me?
       Mr. Gooby: I will search you for 30 minutes for the first time.
       Me: Only for 30 minutes!?
       Mr. Gooby: And then cut the time half every next time.
       Me: You are scientifically romantic. (Thank you for loving me.)

Funeral

       Some people warned me not to go to the funeral of my friend because of the overwhelming sadness that I might experience. The mother crashed a few times during the service, and the sister paused her speech many times before she could finish her last word to her beloved brother. They tried their best to survive through this with a few jokes, but behind the giggling and small laughters, their hearts are still bleeding. Sadly, they cannot be helped.
       I have been told that once a person died, he or she would no longer experience emotions and would remain peaceful forever. If so, I am happy for the person because nothing matters anymore. But what about the remained family and friends? Endless sadness and regrets. The sister at the funeral told us how much she loved her brother and regretted being mean and bossy. Nothing can be changed now. They might feel better as time passes, but they have been scarred.
       We never know when we have to leave and go back to wherever. I understand that no one can control one's life, and everyone will become helpless when it comes to death. But is it possible not to have regrets of yours, mine, or theirs? Children, a long-distance phone call to home is good enough to comfort parents' uneasiness; friends, a text message is enough to continue a friendship; significant halves, a kiss is one of the sources of warmth.
       I may have lost a friend, but he is still alive in our memories. As a blogger, I hope you all remain happy and thankful everyday as if we are going to lose everything tomorrow.

The Bedlam

       I still couldn't believe I went to the Bedlam football game yesterday and had so much fun. After a few times of ticket trading, I ended up paying a little for a student ticket. The marching band danced Gangnam Style at halftime, and OU won the game in Bedlam's overtime. WOOHOO!! The sun has climbed up in the sky, but I still remain as excited as last night. 

       I also met a great person through Newman at the game. He was so cheerful and enthusiastic. I feel sorry for forgetting his name while he remembers mine, but I am sure we will meet again and get to know more of each other. Happy birthday, my new friend! 

       Another old friend of mine is getting married on Thursday. I am so happy for her. It is odd to have a wedding of one friend and a funeral of another on the same day. But you know what, life is short. I don't know when I leave the world behind, and so I need to enjoy as much as I can and pursue as far as I could while cherishing whatever I've owned. 

       Love you, Mom. Love you, Dad. Love you, Grandpa. And Ryan, thank you for being in my life and putting up with me. 

I Thank...

       Kylee's papa asked what she was thankful for. The four-year-old then answered firmly, "my family." 

       I thank my parents and grandpa giving me the loveliest and healthiest family, and the most importantly, I am thankful because I am still breathing the air. A friend from freshman year was badly injured, and he could lose his life in any minute. When other people were praying for him on Facebook, I thought they were joking because he would be the last person I could imagine to experience that tragedy.

       Listening to the conversation of a lovely family at the Thanksgiving lunch, playing mahjong with friends after eating some Chinese style turkey meal, and thinking of my own families back home make me believe in my existence and happiness. I am thankful for being alive enjoying the relationships with other people. Without conscious minds and sensation, everything will be meaningless and worthless to me. 

       Waking up in the morning, I opened my blinds and let the sunshine touch my face. I am thankful for being alive. 

Happy Saturday

       Mr. Gooby took me to have lunch with his parents today. They were really sweet and lovely couples to me while teasing Mr. Gooby for joy. I was a little nervous about cultural barriers and language communication, but I guess all the worries were for no reason. I am glad I finally got to meet them in person and told them more personal information about their son's girlfriend. They were curious about me. Hundreds of questions and answers, and they even asked how Mr. Gooby and I met for the first time. :P
       I also went to Mr. Gooby's house after our lunch. His niece was lovely, warm and cute. She was the very first baby girl I met and liked the most. Before we said bye, she gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. She was sneaky, because I was going to kiss on her cheeks, but she turned her face at the very last moment. How cute she is! Happy smile.
       It was a nice date hanging out with Mr. Gooby and his families, and riding the water taxi at Bricktown. I don't know if it was called romance, but I can tell you that my heart is full of love and sweetness right now. Such feeling never occurred in my whole life before today.
       I believe in love, especially true love.

Future

       It was an exciting day because I finally ordered my graduation portraits for family and friends. People liked my post on Facebook and complimented on my pictures. I know I am beautiful, not because my exterior looking or the pimples on my face but my achievements and confidence that I'd built up in the past 23 years. BIG SMILE! 

       Mom told me that my cousin decided to go back to Australia next month. I was never interested in her life. Different beliefs and opinions on things make our relationship unbearable. But for the first time, I find her inspirational. After being away from her boyfriend for a long time, she finally decides to leave home for him. She is brave. The strongest bond breaks when a long separation gets in the way. I would probably be like her suffering from separation anxiety when I had to leave Mr. Gooby. But what would I do if I were her? Would I be brave, or am I brave? 

Jobs

       Besides studying for the midterms, I have been submitting resumes to hundreds of companies for job opportunities. I was always hopeful finding a job in Oklahoma. My heart felt the warmth and the support from friends when Hunter said he really hoped I could find a job close to Mr. Gooby so then our relationship could last. But reality seems going against our hope. 

       Jobs in the fields of Industrial Engineering, Industrial Engineering IT, Supply Chain Management, and Logistics are my major target. My OPT status requires me to find a job in my study field. Although I am thankful when friends refer me to jobs at shopping malls and restaurants, I cannot take them without violating my visa requirements. I now start looking at many other locations, even far away from Oklahoma. I am trying my best to remain in the U.S. so then I can be with the one I like. Don't ask me if it's worthwhile, I have never felt so strong or determined. 

Fortune Telling

       During my trip in San Diego, I talked to a stranger on the street. He fortune-told me that I was a type of person who would always flight from problems to reduce cognitive dissonance. I didn't believe what he said because I thought I was brave to fight.
       Now I start realizing he could be right. I ran away from grandma to avoid any interactions and disagreements with her; I hung up on my mom when she tried to talk me through my grandma-granddaughter relationship problem; I pretended asleep when my boyfriend wanted to talk about us. I drove all the way to the north to hide my emotions and feelings from him when he told me to leave him alone. I flight away because I am afraid of confrontation. I look confident to hide away my hesitation.
       Why do people fight? They believe they have a chance to win, they think others are possible to lose. When a person stops believing in winning and losing, she hides away. It's meaningless to win when the losing of others causes uncomfortableness in you. That's me. I hide away from winning and losing, I hide away from unhappiness, I even keep all the tears and sadness to myself. You never know what happened to me.
     

Dialogue With Mr. Gooby

Me:      Ugh! Black cat!
Gooby: Don't worry, he has white paws.
Me:      So it makes it lucky?
Gooby: No, but it makes it not unlucky.
Me:      (My Gooby is so cute.)

Deep Thoughts

       I stopped blogging as much as before. It's not that I don't want to write anymore, but responsibilities and reality occupy most of my time. It took me 20 years to realize who, what, when, and where I miss the most back in the days. Childhood friends from school or even strangers met in vacations could warm up my heart when I experience the most difficult time of my life. Why? It's not how special of what they do, but how simple, easy and free of the time I spent with them. No responsibility, no worry, and no concern. Relationships in vacuum always last longer, but when it comes to reality with responsibilities and beneficial values, any relationship bond seems easy to break. No more fun. Isn't it sad? The truth hurts.
       I really hope I could find a relationship that survives longer and stronger outside of the vacuum. The privilege of being alive is being able to give love, receive love, and lose love. The reality is surely breaking down our human minds and relationships, but why waste our ability to love and why not reserve a little space for love and hope to motivate us moving forward? I might sound cheesy now, but you can't say I am wrong.
       Best wishes to you finding the loved one(s). Smiley!

Sunday Sunshine

      Watching so many couples walking their dogs and parents hiking with their kids, all of a sudden, I feel very calm. I saw two old couples holding hands while the man had a white flower in his other hand. Is he going to give the flower to his wife as a Sunday afternoon gift? Imagination sweets my heart.
      Sunshine warms my knees and toes, bugs flying in the air try to find their mates. I am looking at a such beautiful, natural scene. But when I try to step in, I feel like an outsider who doesn't fit in at all. I am alone with my psychology book sitting on a bench. Where is my another half?

Lazy Winter

      It's a season to hibernate. I am not doing as much work as I am supposed to. Coming home after meeting with Min Ting for a project, I am here again on my couch, enjoying my cinnamon roll with melting icy and listening to some Youtube videos. Mr. Gooby is busy tonight, so we cannot hang out.
      Aubri and I decide to call each other A and Z, which stand for Aubri and Zixin. It sounds like we are some kind of secret agents working for a confidential association. Aubri even edited her signature to "licensed to kill." Laugh out loud. I always enjoy those little entertainments in my life.
      I met Ebisa on my way to Starbucks today, half hour before work. He kidnapped me to have lunch with him. Of course, with my intelligence, I escaped. I am sure his lunch wasn't the same without me. Big grin. If I weren't going to work, I would probably end up having a kidnapping meal with him. Wahahahah...
      Mr. Gooby and I are going to do moss hunting this Sunday, after the OU-Texas game. I am very looking forward to it because I have never done anything like that in my whole life. We would probably do moss graffiti, but what would he paint? Curious, curious...

The Love Note

"The only person you need to impress is me, and you've impressed me. So stop checking yourself out in the mirror." -Mr. Gooby
You are the sweetest person I have ever met. Most importantly, you are only sweet to me.

This Saturday

       Mr. Gooby and I went to the museum for our second date today. I would like to say I have learned a lot after going out with this wise man. He had taught me so much about natural science, the city of Choctaw, the state of Oklahoma, and consciousness. Sometimes the questions he brings up are very mentally stimulating, and we usually engage in some great conversations. I enjoy being interested in him and amazed by him.
       I finally watched Matrix, the movie. The context of the movie is really deep and makes us think about our own civilization and self intelligence. Mr. Gooby has so many thoughts about the movie and reality itself. I didn't agree with some of his thoughts, and our day ended in a not-so-perfect way because of the discussion on consciousness, but it did not eliminate his delightfulness. People get into fights with others, and we are one of them. Being not so happy with each other and not agreeable are more realistic anyway. Big smiley!
       P.S. Mr. Gooby, thank you for being in my life and bringing me different emotions that make my life pleasurable.

A Letter That Would Never Go Out

Dearest Friend,

So many things had happened since last month. Earlier in September, we were having fun at the lake with Mr. B's family. Who would believe we ended up not talking to each other in three weeks? I am writing this to let you know that you are always my dearest friend no matter what you decide to do with me, and I hope you would understand me. I know you are mad at me for not being considerate when it comes to love relationships, but please try to finish reading this letter.

As you know, I started hanging out with Ryan soon after school started. At the beginning, I simply enjoyed the pool at his neighborhood. You were right, the way he looked at people made people believed they were the only significant one in his world, but I wasn't interested in him. Most of the time I was the one talking, sharing, and whining. He didn't talk much, and so I thought he didn't find my stories interesting. We kept hanging out at the pool and his apartment almost every other night anyway.

I didn’t find Ryan special until the night I was upset about some words my grandpa told me over the summer. As usual, I was sharing my story with Ryan. I told him that I didn't know if I would remain happy without my grandpa. Maybe Ryan sensed my emotions and started to talk about his grandparents. He said he wasn't familiar with them because two of them died when he was young. I then confessed that the fewer people we started to be close with, the happier and simpler our lives would be. He agreed, and I was shocked to find out someone had such feeling/thought like me. Since then, I started to feel Ryan and I shared many things in common.

Can you believe how difficult to find someone feels the same way like you do? I am very thankful to meet Ryan, get to know him and start liking him. He is someone I have been looking for. Of course I have doubts. Maybe he is not my Mr. Right, maybe we won't have a future, maybe he is not as amazing as I perceive, maybe he doesn't like me as much as he claims, etc. But at this moment, I know I really enjoy being with him. I don't want to let go.

I understand you don't feel comfortable about my relationship with Ryan. He is your age and was your high school friend. If we broke up or ended up hating each other, it would be very awkward for you to pick a side. I thought a lot about what you told me the other day. I think you were right, and so Ryan and I decided to take a step back. Everything seems going back to normal. He and I are still on the stage of getting to know each other, but we can’t go back to normal friends any more. We both like each other, and it takes a lot to forget the feelings for each other, more than we can imagine.

You said I shouldn’t be asking dramatic questions, but I just have a feeling that you don’t want to talk to me or see me ever again. I really hope a dear friend like you could be my close friend for the rest of my life. I cherish our friendship with my heart.

Crystal

Life Goes On

       After going through all the drama from last weekend, I finally moved on. Sometimes I wish I was not so emotional and inferior when suffering from separation anxiety. Oh well, I am alright now. That's all that matters.
       Interesting experiences: our internship boss called us "the girls" instead of "the interns," and my social psychology test contained some trick questions. They were not necessarily bad, but just not expected.
       Sorry that I am not writing enough to entertain my blog audience. When I can't share too much on my blog because of the sensitive individuals, I really feel like I should write a script for "the secret life of Zixin" and publish it in the future when my opinions or thoughts are no longer offending anyone's feelings. It happens to me every time after a while I start a new blog to avoid the sensitive people in my life. Well, I am not giving up this blog this time. I have become stubborn, and I need to be. =)
       Below is a song that I listened this morning. I like it a lot just because I'd walked a thousand miles to see my Mr. someone.

     

It Hurts

       It hurts when you feel your closest friends are alienating you after you start a love relationship. You feel alone without the support of your friends and wonder if the relationship is worth it losing your friends around you. Yes, he is almost four years younger than me, and yes, he was my closest friend's high school friend, and yes, we move faster than anybody could imagine. It is awkward when you think about it deeply, but is it wrong to seek love and to be loved? A close friend told me he didn't feel comfortable talking to a girl with a boyfriend and he didn't have time for me anymore because he needed more personal time to find his love of life. Why? It isn't the first day you starting to find your love, why would it be now when I want to talk to you like before?
       Fung seems like the only one being supportive. He asked me a question, "Since when a relationship becomes a matter of the universe?" Right, who cares if it is awkward for others, and right, who says girls have to be younger than guys in a relationship, and right, nothing matters as long as you two are happy together. It sounds so right to say it out loud, but I don't have my confidence anymore.

Breaking News

So all of a sudden, I am in a serious love relationship. He is a great man with crazy hair and untrimmed beard. We have similar thoughts on many things and both enjoy hiking and mother nature. Why do I like him? Sixth sense. I could be wrong or temporally having illusion of this man, but all these feelings are so unexpectedly strong. Why does he like me? We have things in common, and I am easy on the eyes. Well, I guess neither of us really understands how it happens. But, I know that I am the lucky one.
Many other things did make me hesitate. What if I had to leave Oklahoma after graduation in three months? What if we were both wrong about the relationship thing? What if people thought I wanted to set him up for the citizenship in the US? What if we broke up in a week and stopped talking to each other? I am afraid because I can't face all those problems alone. But well, a typical white guy's answer, "let's see what will happen then."

It's Been A While

So many things to blog, so many words to type. I saved a few drafts before this one, but I eventually decided not to post them. People who have stopped by here told me that this webpage is fun and cute. I know, I always try to keep it as simple as I can. Of course I have things that I don't feel comfortable with and frustrations that get me in trouble, but making audience feel sorry for me isn't my intention.

I finally got my lower braces this week, after six months of orthodontic treatment. My lower teeth are straight, so it won't take much time to align with the upper teeth. Many people came to me for orthodontics advice. Well, to be honest, orthodontics is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I don't feel too much pain with my braces, I have a really good doctor, and my teeth are so much better than ever! But different people face different situations, so don't take my words too seriously or think orthodontics must be the best for you.

Ryan and I hang out almost every other night. I enjoy the time talking to him and exchanging thoughts with him. In a way, we are very similar. Su once told me that I gave her a feeling that I fell in love with Ryan because of the way I talked about him. Really? I don't know. After so many years of trying to define "love," I am now confused. I feel comfortable with the person and want to be around with him. I can talk about anything without feeling awkward or embarrassed in front of the person. Is that what we call "love," or am I just being temporarily attracted? I am tired of defining terms and labeling relationships. I believe when it happens, it will happen. So, no pressure. Smiley!

It's finally Friday!! Go have fun and get some rest. Teehee!

Life with Expected and Unexpected

       Hey, Labor Day! Hey, Lake Eufaula! Oh hey, my Beetle is leaking gas... A fun weekend with Su's family was expected until my Beetle started spreading the smell of gasoline and dripping liquid. Su's dad called a mechanic for me to take a look at it before we departed home; Tommy was nice and soon found out the gas retrieve pipe was cracked; and I was scared and worried for the rest of the weekend (I would probably remain at my highest alert stage until the problem is fixed). There shouldn't be anything to be scared of: Tommy is going to charge me a low price for repair, and Su's parents are going to help me taking care of the other stuff.
       I am thankful to have Su and her family around, but facing an unexpected problem isn't easy for the first time. My parents are freaking 8,000 miles away, and friends should never be expected to be reliable. It's not that no friend of mine is willing to help, but I just don't know who I should or can rely on. Some people are just nice, willing to help without asking for any compensation; some want something as return; some pretend concerned but always run away when things happen; some don't even care. Most of the time, I try my best to solve whatever problems by myself so that no one will turn me down. Su said I should just learn better finding the right friends. Yeah, maybe all I need to do is to increase my standard of friends in terms of capability and kindness, but I would probably become a somewhat user, or dependent, or spoiled, if I did. Plus, sometimes things are just so complicated that not anyone is able to help. Who knows.
       This time I survived with the help of Su and her family. What about next time? And next next time? Am I going to have someone like Su and her family around to give me a hand? I really hope so.

Awkward Moments

Life is full of adventures and unexpected changes. I appreciate my ups while downs are trying to make me feel miserable. When your ex is telling you to "get the fuck out of" his life or saying "you don't fucking care about me," do you think your emotions need to react physically and/or psychologically to what he says? Honestly, I wasn't paying too much attention. I did care if he was feeling okay and not doing anything silly, but it doesn't mean that I should feel miserable or terribly upset because of his curses.

Your existence seems like a torture to your ex. You guys bump into each other again at your mutual friend's party, pass by each other between classes on campus, etc. He is upset seeing you again, and he even tells you so. But what can you do? Committing suicide could be one of the solutions, or maybe moving to another city instantly although you are almost done with your bachelor degree. NO! I am not gonna do that, and neither should I. I really hope my life to be peaceful and colorful. I don't have preference when I make friends, but if people are too scary, I do escape from them.

Human Relations

After meeting up with my Capstone advisors, I got a call from Nestle Purina asking if I would like to have a phone interview with them. Are you kidding me? Of course! It's always nice that someone feels interested in your experience and yourself. And I love sharing.

Since the first time I stopped by Ryan's neighborhood, I fell in love with their pool and clubhouse. It is a peaceful place to chill and relax, and I have a great companion. Ryan was Su's high school friend. I didn't pay any attention to him when we first met, basically because he thought I was weird and I thought he was a freak. Ha ha! He now has three roommates sharing a big apartment. All of them are nice and sweet. One of them actually overused the word "whorrrrrrre" when he plays games. Laugh out loud. 

Angry Bird and I have been talking on Whatsapp since I came back to the U.S. He is sometimes mean and aggressive. Well, or he wouldn't be given a name "Angry Bird." Kidding! Smiley face. He shares with me Hongkongese culture and gives me humble advice. I like him, honestly speaking.

Dr. Moses has been telling us that we are the best group of interns for the most difficult project this semester. Well, I am trying not to think too hard about it and just take it as a compliment. 

Extra efforts are meant to be made. Fighting! 

Living My Life

I was expecting my fabulous last semester in college before school started this week, but my mind was struck and blown away by strict professors' policies and a great deal of projects. I guess my life isn't as fantasy as I want before graduation. 


Ugh, job hunting, academic achievement, and relationship, etc. 


I am glad friends are around being supportive and encouraging. Special thanks to Ping for saying, "It is always cool to have an old friend living in the U.S.," and Ebisa for advising me. Ebisa was my TA. Talking to him gives me a comfortable, positive feeling. I am like a recharged battery with all the inspirational thoughts. They are happy, and so am I. 


Aubri is my only Capstone project partner. I met her a few years ago but never really talked to her. She is a funny, brunette girl from Louisiana. You have no idea what we talked about in the past few hours about our internship and people. Wahahhahaha... 


Everything seems working out fine, and I hope it moves on the same. 

Rainy Saturday

As usual, I fell asleep when I was reading a book. I think this time it's also because of all the running and laughters I had with my friends. Su and I went to a community service this morning and drew some plate mats for children in hospitals. Overusing creativity drained my calories, and my stomach was crying out loud before we reached the restaurant for lunch. I met some of Su's friends today, and Leah was one of them. She went to England this summer. Going through her Facebook photo albums only increases my desire to travel to England some day. The rain was pouring, and it hurt when it hit your head and shoulders. Three of us ran in the rain like idiots on the way to the parking lot after eating some great food. It was quite an adventure, according to Su. That's what friends do together, acting like weirdos in public disregarding others' opinions. Teehee!

Another Day, Another Dawn

Dad finally starts reading literature after 24 years of marriage with mom. Now I feel illiterate among my families and friends. Su always recommended me books, Romance, Fantasies, and Fictions, but I never found them interesting or myself encouraged to start reading. I somehow managed to finish half of the Steve Jobs book and half of The Little Prince. See, I am always half-way done and give up. Howl's Moving Castle looks interesting and simple without hundreds of character names to memorize or bloody scenes. Hope I won't give up reading in the middle of the story again. 

Mom called last night to tell me the result of my body check a few weeks ago. A basically healthy body seems to have some defects. It's okay, I will work out more often to maintain a better health from now on. I found it funny that mom told me not to drink alcohol. I don't remember telling her anything about me being drunk. 

How did she know I had been drinking!? 

In the middle of the mother-daughter conversation, my neighbors knocked at my door. Another pair of mother and daughter, but younger. They shared some Indian food with me. So nice! Smiley face. 

I strongly believe a skunk is living underneath my apartment. She seems making herself a home down there and being very busy. I am an animal person, generally speaking, but not quite a skunk fan. And I don't like to share my apartment. >.<

Norman

Norman is a small city, empty when school is out. Jet lag messed up my appointments, my emotions and my rest. I am so glad it's gone by now. 

A guy came to me one day randomly on campus and asked me out. He acted awkward and over dressed for a normal day. I wasn't comfortable going out with a stranger out of nowhere, so I rejected him indirectly. A week later, we met again in La Baguette. I chitchatted about my thoughts on cakes and coffee, and he... confessed his feelings to me. People are blunt and absurd these days.

AWKWARD!

Siji and I had a little reunion the other day at Thai Delight. I envy her experience in New York this summer. I wish I could have gotten an internship there and have fun. After struggling with my jealousy for a while, I now think my Korea trip wasn't bad either. All the friends I met and food I ate ain't nothing! 

Laugh out loud.

People are moving back in Norman this week because of school. Things are getting back to normal. 

Another semester, another love story, and another life.

The Asian Me

I am still drowning in the memory of last month, stuck. I feel different, less Western but more Asian. My trip in Korea made me realize life could be very simple. You don't have to party to make news friends, or smoke cigarettes to fit in. In the past five years, I had changed so much that I forgot who I really was. Trying to fit in this foreign country filled with difference races and/or preferring the western lifestyle better, I stuffed my life with fanciness and tanned like a white girl. All the changes seemed reasonable and fated. I didn't regret what I changed to, but now I realize I am still the Asian me no matter where I am. My trip in Korea allowed me to hang out with more Asian people and provoked the Asian side of me which was hidden for a long time. I am Asian. I have yellow skin, brown eyes and dark hair. In my genes and blood, something is never gonna change.

Welcome Home

I arrived Norman, Oklahoma safely on Monday morning at 3 am. I wasn't pleased because I was locked out for three hours in a such early morning. And the most ridiculous reason for a lockout I had ever heard was that the whole apartment shifted because of the high temperature of the ground while the door remained the same position. I couldn't get in my apartment until my door was unstuck by a maintenance guy. Now I realized sometimes people could be too frustrated to say a dirty word. Without any sleep at night, I missed my dentist appointment the next day. The office assistant at the dentist was mad at me. Well, it was not under my control. Jet lag was way too powerful than I thought. I hung out with Su, her mom, Jang and Jackie on Tuesday. We didn't do much. They mostly made fun of my experience in Korea and Hong Kong. Laugh out loud! I still have some errands to do today and tomorrow. Peace.

China Blocks Everything!

July 30, 2012

I have been home for five days. Nothing special happened. I enjoy walking in the neighborhood after dinner with my parents. They sometimes talk about their business and sometimes joke about small things. Being a middle age Chinese man is never easy, taking care of the elders and supporting the youths. I would love to help, but the great responsibility is more than just a word. London Olympics Games began about two days ago. The only game I paid attention to was the USA vs. France Basketball. Many Thunder players were in the USA Olympics team, and that’s why I watched the whole game without missing a thing. France wasn’t bad, but USA was the best. Bling! My dad fell asleep when I watched the game. I couldn’t make a noise. Trust me, it was hard, especially when you watch your favorite basketball player doing a perfect 3 pointer. I always think of my friends in Korea when I am calm. They are like the great entertainers in my life, and our private, happy memories make me sweet. 

August 5, 2012

My flight in Guangzhou has been delayed due to some problems in the control tower. Maybe I will miss my flight in Korea to the U.S. Before my departure, I went to Hong Kong to visit my friends. My mom tagged along. I have been to Hong Kong many times, but never experienced like a Hongkongese. Francis was a great tour guide, but I once again wonder whether he lied about the food卤水. I ate something orangey, and he told me that was it. NO WAY! I saw Hung without his glasses for the first time. He looked different, small eyes. On our way from the hill to the train station, Angry bird called a couple times to talk to me. I know he misses me. He should have shown up to meet me, but he was busy. Mini Bus in Hong Kong is an attraction. They told me to take the bus at night again to get the feeling of roller coaster. I think I will pass (Yes, I am too chicken). I went back home on the same day. I also visited my grandpa before I left. He has been really sick for a month. I almost cried when he told me to take over the family company if anything happened to him or my dad. I am glad he is a lot better now. Ugh, one hour and a half delay. I am so gonna spend a night in Korea. Maybe God know I miss my friends there and let me stay for a night. >.< 

Crying Baby

It's the time to say bye to everyone. I have experienced so many times of separation, but I never learn how to deal with my emotions when it happens. I thought I was a big big girl. Francis said my laugh was so distinguishing that he would never forget me. Jemin and Ghi-Young laughed at me being a baby. I am a silly, little crying baby, but I don't regret the relationships that I built with my friends. I love what I have. Laugh hard and cry hard.

Separation Anxiety

I have been going out in the past few days, trying to farewell every single friend I have met in Korea. Jiyuen and I met again on Saturday in Gangnam. I wasn't energetic at all, feeling exhausted and sad. If I had one more chance, I would take lots of pictures with her before we said bye. Bye is never good. When will we meet again, and where? Endless waiting. My Hongkongese friends and I went to Demilitarized Zone of Korea on Sunday. I wish I could have seen North Korea, but the rain and fog ruined my dream. Eun Byung finally agreed to see me again before my departure on Sunday night. Vanda joined us to a Japanese restaurant. Eun Byung always makes fun of me no matter what I do, but something in him inspires me. You may say I am a masochist. Kidding! More hanging out and drinking on Monday and Tuesday. I have no idea how I survived with this exhausted body. Separation with friends is sad. Saying bye for the last time is hard. I don't know how I will survive broken hearted.

Let's Get Drunk

It's the last day of summer school in Korea. Everybody went out at night to drink, including me and my friends. So Ju (Korean beer) tastes sweet so people don't realize they are drunk when they drink a lot. My face turned red after a bowl of So Ju, and people said I was drunk. I AM NOT DRUNK! I yelled. Most Koreans are heavy drinkers. A suggestion from me is never toast with Koreans, or you are gonna be dead. A funny story of tonight was that a cute, foreign stranger came to me for direction to a bubble tea shop and he ended up drinking with us. My friends said I was random and weird because no people in Korea would ask a stranger to tag along for alcohol. I guess I am just not that Korean. It's okay, Oklahomans are like that. I had so much fun today, having a farewell dinner with classmates and drinking beer with friends. What is life? That's life. Smiley! If you found any typos or problems in this blog, please forgive me. My head is heavy...

The Final Week in Korea

After having that fun night with a few friends at the coffee shop, I had been suffering from insomnia until last night. I guess the coffee in Korea is very different, sweeter, more caffeine, and more powerful sleep killer. I'd learned my lesson. On the last two days of summer school, we have one presentation and paper due. Our group paper is almost done, now it's my turn to get this solo presentation ready to go. Wish me luck! Approaching the end of my trip, I would love to spend my last Saturday in North Korea. Precisely, the edge of North Korea. Serious face. Some of the foreign students want to sign up for the tour in the Demilitarized Zone of Korea, and yes, I am one of them. I guess it's always my dream to visit the place where my grandpa used to live. Unfortunately, DMZ is the closest I can reach. I really hope they don't reject my tour application. Finger crossed.

Something Like That

The aquarium and Kimchi Museum in the COEX mall were too expensive for entry, my friends and I then decided to do something more worthwhile, going to a car exhibition. I love cars, especially Volkswagen made, but my friends told me that the purpose of going to a car exhibition was to see the sexy human models with short skirts. Speechless. We regretted that we didn't spend too much time there, but the fun coming after made our day more enjoyable. Our friend, Boram, joined the gang later in the afternoon. We first went to a traditional Korean restaurant and had a traditional Korean meal, and then stopped by a coffee shop. We had small talks over many things, secret admirers, fish balls, families, etc. I now believe it doesn't matter where we go or what we do, but who we are hanging out with. Friends are the ones who you laugh with, joke with, and make fun of. My trip in Korea is so worth it because of them. Big smile! 

Time Gone Fast

Waking up in the morning, I realized only 12 days left in Korea. I haven't been doing much particularly different in the past two days, going to class, having lunch and dinner with friends, trying weird food, etc. The cable internet speed in the dorm is unsatisfactory. When I facetimed with my parents, video chat got disconnected for a hundred times literally. More than usual, my dad asked about my love life again. I am 23, and he is worried about me not able to find a boyfriend. Wow! Luckily, before he wanted to say more, the frustrating internet saved me. I have been meeting many people, but I don't push. It doesn't mean I am not trying to find my love of life, but I want to maintain my easy, simple happiness meanwhile. My roommate is going home for the weekend. Another alone night. >.<

Summer Romance

A group of friends and I went to Han Gang last night after dinner. It was raining earlier, so the temperature dropped a little bit when we got on a cruise. Beautiful views and beautiful people made a perfect night out. I met two old couples on the cruise. The wife was sitting on the lap of the husband, leaning against his shoulder. She started singing a love song, and he harmonized simultaneously. The scene became fairylike. I do believe in true love because my parents were the first perfect couples I knew, but I sometimes doubt whether it is usual after seeing so many immature relationships. The two couples didn't understand English, and I didn't understand Korean, so a strong hug and some laughters turned out to be the only communications. I wasn't sure what the hug was for. Maybe it was my appreciation to them for a hope of finding my own true love and their appreciation to me for enjoying their singing. It was full of warmth in a chilly weather. Maybe, just maybe, my Mr. Right is looking for me. Feeling sweet!

The Hongkongese Gang

I went out to the Seoul Tower last night with my Hongkongese friends. As usual, we had lots of fun. I don't know whether it's me being sensitive to laughters/jokes or me being lucky meeting funny people, but I always find my friends extraordinarily hilarious. The Hongkongese friends are big guys and look like big guys, but they do goofy things such as self picturing. It's been a while for me to be around by native Hongkongese. I find it very memorable. They even taught me some new Hongkongese words. 中伏 means falling into a trap. They use it when they visit a recommended sightseeing spot and find out the place isn't good. They are such a group of funny people.

The Goofy Us

Jessie and I decided to go to the Trickeye Museum in SangSu in the afternoon. It's a goofy place, but we enjoyed our trip. Starbucks in Korea makes different coffee. My favorite, ice Mocha, tastes a little bit sweeter here, compare to the one in the U.S. Just like the way I want it. Early dinner made us feel awkward in a restaurant. Waiter and waitress checked on us frequently to make sure we were served well. I guess it was good since we received extra care, but being stared at felt weird. It was another long day to me. I am so exhausted, and school starts tomorrow again. Zzzzz....

My Korean Face

People told me I looked like a Korean, in the subway, on the street, and in the market. Many people approached me for directions or to retail. Although I am thrilled  when people misunderstand my Asian face, I have no choice but answer "No Korean." I wish I can speak fluent Korean so that I can pretend one of them. I went to Chonggye stream on Friday night and hung out with Jiyuen near SeoHyun on Saturday. Chonggye stream area is mostly for couples at night. People hug, kiss, and even make out there. My friend, Roy, and I made fun of those pervert couples. I guess I wasn't acting much like a Korean, and we almost got into trouble. Laugh out loud! Jiyuen lives in a suburban area in Korea. I don't know if it is considered within Seoul, but it looks very different from other places that I have been to in Korea. We were planning to watch people do bungee jump, but the place decided to close for a day. We then walked around the park and journeyed to more places. It was an exhausting week, and I should get some rest on Sunday. Ugh, but laundry is waiting for me. >.<

Raining Season

It has been pouring rain all day. An advisable suggestion for a traveller would be researching a city's weather before departure. I had to run in the rain because I forgot my umbrella this morning. Semi is a very nice person. She let me use her backup umbrella which was kinda for her boyfriend. I think I have been meeting many friendly, welcoming people in Korea. Semi, Kyong A, Jemin and Hyeran are the ones I am close with. We always have lunch together and hang out after class. The field trip for the second week was Lotte World, the biggest amusement park in Korea (maybe in Asia). Jemin is our 오빠, big brother, but he lied a lot. He repeatedly told me that the roller coaster there was not scary at all, and I fell for it. My neck is so sore now because of the too much fun I had. Waiting in line for every attraction was time consuming. We all soon got into a lying game called "where are you from." It's basically answering the question as quickly as possible with a whole bunch of lies. At the end, I became a Nigerian who turned white after staying in the U.S. for too long. Semi became Egyptian, Kyong A became Indian, Jessie became Laotian, and Jemin was North Korean. I got some other new friends into the game too, but they were not as good as us. Wahahahaha! My neck is still hurting. I really hope I feel better tomorrow.

Meeting Old Friends

A random Facebook picture or comment may reconnect two old friends from freshman year. Eun Byung and I used to live on the same floor in the dorm about three years ago. We never really hung out or talked, and I didn't even remember his name until tonight. We first went to a restaurant for dinner and a coffee shop to catch up. Time has changed people. I am glad my friend is so much better than ever. I find it very fascinating that two old friends get to meet up again on the other side of the world. It doesn't happen to me often, and I cherish the little connections between me and my friends. Three years later, I had changed, and so did my friend. Am I going to change more in another three years? I am very curious.

Something New

My class in Korea is technically easy. No tests, but one presentation and one paper due at the end with four other people. I met more new friends in my class. They can speak apparently better English than the ones I have been hanging out with, which means less body language is required throughout the conversations. For some reason, I prefer simple, funny talks. When the food is good, we put out two thumbs; when I want to tell I like my friends, I first point at myself and the people I like, then shape a heart with two hands. It sounds goofy, but it's Korean-ly cute! After meeting more people from different backgrounds, I now realize how big the world is. I was always fussing about my living environment, food, and even people, but now all these have been very unnecessary to me because I shouldn't be restricted within a small world concerning every little detail in my life. There are too many things to see, to explore, and to experience. I thank whoever contributed in my life and changed my life. You have no idea how much I enjoy my life now. Chilling.

Second Week of My Korea Trip

I have been so busy hanging out and exploring Seoul with friends in the past few days. I went to Gang Nam to meet up with an old friend, JiYeun, on Saturday and Myeong Dong to shop like a Korean with Jessie on Sunday. Gang Nam is more like a shopping place for Korean young adults, and Myeong Dong has been dominated by Chinese. I bought a few things, such as makeups and Korean glasses. You can tell I am trying really hard to fit in this foreign country. Smiley! Following the end of first week, classes start today in the morning. Some of my new friends are taking the same class with me, International Economics. Hopefully I will get to hang out with them some more after class.