Partners...

       About a year ago, I visited a factory in Los Angeles. Although the jeans made there were fashionable and pricy, they were not what impressed me the most. One manager and one engineer walked through the whole factory with me, while introducing the job functions of each key members in the office and the information system they work with. A manager and an engineer are teamed up for projects, and above them, there is a senior manager to oversee the whole issue. I didn't ask how a manager and an engineer are chosen to become a team. I mean, how to know two people from two different perspectives are compatible before they even start working together? Believing in your guts?
        Whatsoever, the trick seems working pretty well. The manager and the engineer I met were working quite closely. The former handles paperwork and presentations to the higher management level; and the latter deals with daily problems and workfloor operators. Their ultimate goal is both driving for improvements at work from different perspectives. I couldn't tell who is working for whom, or who is whose boss at the time of my visit, as they work like friends, like ping-to-the-pong..
        I once fantisized working closly with someone else from another perspective. I can manage the dirty work and daily eruption on one side, and he/she manages the pressure from above. But you know what, I am missing a partner. A good one.

Ambition

       It's been a month since the last time I updated my blog. It seemed nothing major had happened, or nothing really got on my nerves in the past few weeks. Old troubles continue to exist, and same routin is not yet changed.
       At work, I got a new manager above me, and my old boss who brought me from Oklahoma now then became my second level manager. I received messages long before my old boss notified me his decision, but I was not ready for it. What is done is done, and I can't change a thing. It's like fate is the ruler and you can only be a puppet of life. Huh, I am just so "me." I am not against anyone, but I guess I am upset at losing my expectation, and things start running off my tracks. Recently, I was notified again that I would have another manager above me, instead of the last one, but my very first boss is still my second level. Frequent changes made me lose insights in my future at my job. I can't choose whom I work for. It feels like I am just a FYI person in the loop, I am someone who needs to know the thing, but my thoughts can't make any differences. Is it life? Is this reality for being an employee? If so, it is really hurting me.
       I stopped seeing that fire in my heart and the passion for my job in me. Am I becoming one of them? Zombies chasing after brains. No feeling, no control... But I would need to say that I want to escape. This is the only thing to prove I am still a human being. I was programmed to be a manipulator, not a manipulatee.

Confession

       I need to confess that I am a hot tempered person, but only when people can't meet my expectations on intelligence and effort insertion. I always believe someone who is not as smart may end up with a good fortune when he/she works really hard, and people who are not smart and not working hard receive the least of my respect.
       Many people have asked me why I always act so cranky in front of certain people. Is there any way to change my attitude? Do I have to set up fire in every minimum conversation? My answer is, lazy and retarded people upset me deeply. However, I also believe in things happen with reasons. God places the stinky ones in my life is because He knows me well. A hot tempered person who is barely capable of controlling her behaviors over the others who are totally not the same as her. It's a task, a training, a life time experience for me to learn myself better from people who are different from me. Of course I can't find a twin of me out in this world, as I am the only child in my family, and most importantly, nobody is exactly the same. I need to learn how to get along with those people. Even if I fail this learning, I should at least put up with it, and put away my emotions while being professional.
        This blog entry was made because I started an oral fight with a colleague today. I feel bad for being angry at someone who is just not as smart/hard working as me. Hope my day will get better...

Enlightenment

       I am not sure since when I started falling in love with hiking on my own. It's comparable to having a little adventure out in the woods, but the difference is I am walking on concrete, not mud. It was a rainy Sunday in E Mei Shan City. Plus it's down season of the year, no one chose to hike. That's the way I love it. I had enough of big population problems every day, and so I needed a little break from lousiness.
       Walking up to the hill, I breathed in the refreshing air with the perfect temperature and humidity. My lungs could just feel every single element reacting in the simplest way. I liked what I saw, and I liked where I walked.

       Life is certainly full of dynamic changes. One day you plan out everything for the future, but stuff happens, then you are forced to accept the truth that your old plan isn't working out anymore. I do see some direction pointers on my way to the next station from time to time, but they are just too questionable for me to take for granted. So, I walk on my own kind of path. I might get lost, walk circles, or even get distracted from my ultimate goal, but you know what, life sometimes just needs some sparkles and adventurous moments to keep out the boredom. I think my life will turn out okay. Stop worrying.

The End

       It's like, I chose to move all the way back from my favorate city of the world to a small manufacturing town of China because I knew I would be working for someone who sees value and potential in me. I knew what I was going for, and I knew I would love my job and be appreciated in the field. And so, every time when I felt unhappy working with some people, I would just tell myself, "you chose whom you work for, but you cannot choose whom you work with," to feel better. But you know what, I just found out I can't even choose whom I work for... THE END.

Loving You, Loving Me



       I ask myself from time to time what I miss the most back in Oklahoma. The first thing that pops in my mind is my little apartment, and of course, filled with the lovely people in my life. The love seat coach was my favorate, as I loved to sit down with my another half in a quiet afternoon, drinking a bottle of beer.
       Many things have changed. I am no longer in Oklahoma. Someone else must be living in my old apartment by now with their lovely furnitures and loving people. And, a friend of mine from Hong Kong became my best friend, and then the love of my life.
       Some things will not change though. I am still the girl who is thankful for what she has and what she was given. I don't know if God will take away what I have, so at this moment, I hold you as tight as I can. =)

Complaints

       Working in the far west countryside of China is like living alone in a desert out of nowhere full of natives who are totally different. People see you as an alien because you don't speak the accents they speak and act in the way they act. When you think two people are in a fight, they can be just talking a little bit louder than you do. Coughing without covering mouths, smoking in public like noone else is alive on earth, and spitting on the floor anytime anywhere are the most common behaviors showing how civilized the society is and how educated the people are. That only puts shame on my face about my kind and my race, although I never thought about it before.
       I am not quite done with my complaints yet. The air is always filly and stiff in mainland China, and blue skies slash white clouds are only in your dream. I certainly miss many things back in Oklahoma, but you know what, I never stop complaning, as nothing is perfect. Waking up in a chilly morning, you do see a perfect sunrise outide of your window in western countries, you think your day is going to be awesome blossom until you open the garage door and breathe a load of wood fire smokes out of your neighbors' chimneys. Blue sky, great! But with smokey air, which could be carban monoxide that kills your lungs, nay!
       Of course people speak normal-er outside of western China, but the discrimination is not anywhere better. Just because you are not having the same skin color, or speak the accents as the norm, or love someone different from your gender, it doesn't mean you deserve to be treated differently. I couldn't bare any of the disrespects. Shame, again.
       Well, I guess what I am trying to say is everyone is different, and everywhere is different. I like this portion of this place, and I like that portion of that place, while hating something else in each. Nothing is perfect. Although I am not in one of my favorate places in the world, my life goes on...