Jobs

       Besides studying for the midterms, I have been submitting resumes to hundreds of companies for job opportunities. I was always hopeful finding a job in Oklahoma. My heart felt the warmth and the support from friends when Hunter said he really hoped I could find a job close to Mr. Gooby so then our relationship could last. But reality seems going against our hope. 

       Jobs in the fields of Industrial Engineering, Industrial Engineering IT, Supply Chain Management, and Logistics are my major target. My OPT status requires me to find a job in my study field. Although I am thankful when friends refer me to jobs at shopping malls and restaurants, I cannot take them without violating my visa requirements. I now start looking at many other locations, even far away from Oklahoma. I am trying my best to remain in the U.S. so then I can be with the one I like. Don't ask me if it's worthwhile, I have never felt so strong or determined. 

Fortune Telling

       During my trip in San Diego, I talked to a stranger on the street. He fortune-told me that I was a type of person who would always flight from problems to reduce cognitive dissonance. I didn't believe what he said because I thought I was brave to fight.
       Now I start realizing he could be right. I ran away from grandma to avoid any interactions and disagreements with her; I hung up on my mom when she tried to talk me through my grandma-granddaughter relationship problem; I pretended asleep when my boyfriend wanted to talk about us. I drove all the way to the north to hide my emotions and feelings from him when he told me to leave him alone. I flight away because I am afraid of confrontation. I look confident to hide away my hesitation.
       Why do people fight? They believe they have a chance to win, they think others are possible to lose. When a person stops believing in winning and losing, she hides away. It's meaningless to win when the losing of others causes uncomfortableness in you. That's me. I hide away from winning and losing, I hide away from unhappiness, I even keep all the tears and sadness to myself. You never know what happened to me.
     

Dialogue With Mr. Gooby

Me:      Ugh! Black cat!
Gooby: Don't worry, he has white paws.
Me:      So it makes it lucky?
Gooby: No, but it makes it not unlucky.
Me:      (My Gooby is so cute.)

Deep Thoughts

       I stopped blogging as much as before. It's not that I don't want to write anymore, but responsibilities and reality occupy most of my time. It took me 20 years to realize who, what, when, and where I miss the most back in the days. Childhood friends from school or even strangers met in vacations could warm up my heart when I experience the most difficult time of my life. Why? It's not how special of what they do, but how simple, easy and free of the time I spent with them. No responsibility, no worry, and no concern. Relationships in vacuum always last longer, but when it comes to reality with responsibilities and beneficial values, any relationship bond seems easy to break. No more fun. Isn't it sad? The truth hurts.
       I really hope I could find a relationship that survives longer and stronger outside of the vacuum. The privilege of being alive is being able to give love, receive love, and lose love. The reality is surely breaking down our human minds and relationships, but why waste our ability to love and why not reserve a little space for love and hope to motivate us moving forward? I might sound cheesy now, but you can't say I am wrong.
       Best wishes to you finding the loved one(s). Smiley!

Sunday Sunshine

      Watching so many couples walking their dogs and parents hiking with their kids, all of a sudden, I feel very calm. I saw two old couples holding hands while the man had a white flower in his other hand. Is he going to give the flower to his wife as a Sunday afternoon gift? Imagination sweets my heart.
      Sunshine warms my knees and toes, bugs flying in the air try to find their mates. I am looking at a such beautiful, natural scene. But when I try to step in, I feel like an outsider who doesn't fit in at all. I am alone with my psychology book sitting on a bench. Where is my another half?

Lazy Winter

      It's a season to hibernate. I am not doing as much work as I am supposed to. Coming home after meeting with Min Ting for a project, I am here again on my couch, enjoying my cinnamon roll with melting icy and listening to some Youtube videos. Mr. Gooby is busy tonight, so we cannot hang out.
      Aubri and I decide to call each other A and Z, which stand for Aubri and Zixin. It sounds like we are some kind of secret agents working for a confidential association. Aubri even edited her signature to "licensed to kill." Laugh out loud. I always enjoy those little entertainments in my life.
      I met Ebisa on my way to Starbucks today, half hour before work. He kidnapped me to have lunch with him. Of course, with my intelligence, I escaped. I am sure his lunch wasn't the same without me. Big grin. If I weren't going to work, I would probably end up having a kidnapping meal with him. Wahahahah...
      Mr. Gooby and I are going to do moss hunting this Sunday, after the OU-Texas game. I am very looking forward to it because I have never done anything like that in my whole life. We would probably do moss graffiti, but what would he paint? Curious, curious...

The Love Note

"The only person you need to impress is me, and you've impressed me. So stop checking yourself out in the mirror." -Mr. Gooby
You are the sweetest person I have ever met. Most importantly, you are only sweet to me.