The Bedlam

       I still couldn't believe I went to the Bedlam football game yesterday and had so much fun. After a few times of ticket trading, I ended up paying a little for a student ticket. The marching band danced Gangnam Style at halftime, and OU won the game in Bedlam's overtime. WOOHOO!! The sun has climbed up in the sky, but I still remain as excited as last night. 

       I also met a great person through Newman at the game. He was so cheerful and enthusiastic. I feel sorry for forgetting his name while he remembers mine, but I am sure we will meet again and get to know more of each other. Happy birthday, my new friend! 

       Another old friend of mine is getting married on Thursday. I am so happy for her. It is odd to have a wedding of one friend and a funeral of another on the same day. But you know what, life is short. I don't know when I leave the world behind, and so I need to enjoy as much as I can and pursue as far as I could while cherishing whatever I've owned. 

       Love you, Mom. Love you, Dad. Love you, Grandpa. And Ryan, thank you for being in my life and putting up with me. 

I Thank...

       Kylee's papa asked what she was thankful for. The four-year-old then answered firmly, "my family." 

       I thank my parents and grandpa giving me the loveliest and healthiest family, and the most importantly, I am thankful because I am still breathing the air. A friend from freshman year was badly injured, and he could lose his life in any minute. When other people were praying for him on Facebook, I thought they were joking because he would be the last person I could imagine to experience that tragedy.

       Listening to the conversation of a lovely family at the Thanksgiving lunch, playing mahjong with friends after eating some Chinese style turkey meal, and thinking of my own families back home make me believe in my existence and happiness. I am thankful for being alive enjoying the relationships with other people. Without conscious minds and sensation, everything will be meaningless and worthless to me. 

       Waking up in the morning, I opened my blinds and let the sunshine touch my face. I am thankful for being alive. 

Happy Saturday

       Mr. Gooby took me to have lunch with his parents today. They were really sweet and lovely couples to me while teasing Mr. Gooby for joy. I was a little nervous about cultural barriers and language communication, but I guess all the worries were for no reason. I am glad I finally got to meet them in person and told them more personal information about their son's girlfriend. They were curious about me. Hundreds of questions and answers, and they even asked how Mr. Gooby and I met for the first time. :P
       I also went to Mr. Gooby's house after our lunch. His niece was lovely, warm and cute. She was the very first baby girl I met and liked the most. Before we said bye, she gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. She was sneaky, because I was going to kiss on her cheeks, but she turned her face at the very last moment. How cute she is! Happy smile.
       It was a nice date hanging out with Mr. Gooby and his families, and riding the water taxi at Bricktown. I don't know if it was called romance, but I can tell you that my heart is full of love and sweetness right now. Such feeling never occurred in my whole life before today.
       I believe in love, especially true love.

Future

       It was an exciting day because I finally ordered my graduation portraits for family and friends. People liked my post on Facebook and complimented on my pictures. I know I am beautiful, not because my exterior looking or the pimples on my face but my achievements and confidence that I'd built up in the past 23 years. BIG SMILE! 

       Mom told me that my cousin decided to go back to Australia next month. I was never interested in her life. Different beliefs and opinions on things make our relationship unbearable. But for the first time, I find her inspirational. After being away from her boyfriend for a long time, she finally decides to leave home for him. She is brave. The strongest bond breaks when a long separation gets in the way. I would probably be like her suffering from separation anxiety when I had to leave Mr. Gooby. But what would I do if I were her? Would I be brave, or am I brave? 

Jobs

       Besides studying for the midterms, I have been submitting resumes to hundreds of companies for job opportunities. I was always hopeful finding a job in Oklahoma. My heart felt the warmth and the support from friends when Hunter said he really hoped I could find a job close to Mr. Gooby so then our relationship could last. But reality seems going against our hope. 

       Jobs in the fields of Industrial Engineering, Industrial Engineering IT, Supply Chain Management, and Logistics are my major target. My OPT status requires me to find a job in my study field. Although I am thankful when friends refer me to jobs at shopping malls and restaurants, I cannot take them without violating my visa requirements. I now start looking at many other locations, even far away from Oklahoma. I am trying my best to remain in the U.S. so then I can be with the one I like. Don't ask me if it's worthwhile, I have never felt so strong or determined. 

Fortune Telling

       During my trip in San Diego, I talked to a stranger on the street. He fortune-told me that I was a type of person who would always flight from problems to reduce cognitive dissonance. I didn't believe what he said because I thought I was brave to fight.
       Now I start realizing he could be right. I ran away from grandma to avoid any interactions and disagreements with her; I hung up on my mom when she tried to talk me through my grandma-granddaughter relationship problem; I pretended asleep when my boyfriend wanted to talk about us. I drove all the way to the north to hide my emotions and feelings from him when he told me to leave him alone. I flight away because I am afraid of confrontation. I look confident to hide away my hesitation.
       Why do people fight? They believe they have a chance to win, they think others are possible to lose. When a person stops believing in winning and losing, she hides away. It's meaningless to win when the losing of others causes uncomfortableness in you. That's me. I hide away from winning and losing, I hide away from unhappiness, I even keep all the tears and sadness to myself. You never know what happened to me.