Tik Tak Tik Tak

       Not sure since when I became so fond of driving around the city and going back to the memorable places. It feels like I see myself knocking at that door, walking in that hallway, and hanging out with those old friends again. Wind is blowing, and time is running away. As the image of myself fades away, I realize it is just a silly, comforting dream. I am no longer knocking at that door because I am not invited to the parties in the house anymore; I am no longer walking in that hallway because no one is waiting for me at the other end; I am no longer hanging out with certain people because...
       Some people once were significant in my life, but sadly, we are out of touch now.
     
       Sorry that my blog entries are bitter these days. I just couldn't help it. I don't know if I could ever go back to the cheerful me after going through so much in relationships. i _ i

Fingers Crossed

       I have been called by many different names. Crystal, Cristo, Cici, Jiksin, Jishin... Some eventually got it right, Zixin (Sisin), but today someone called me Vixen. It could be just a typo, or someone trying to be creative. Sigh, I surrender. Call me whatever you like from now on, as long as I know you are talking to/about me.
       Job hunting goes smoothly these days. I am very satisfied with what I am offered, but the only concern is my EAD card arrival time. Without the work permit, any great offer is meaningless because I am not yet allowed to work in the U.S. Fingers crossed! I can't wait to go to Ohio, or maybe Illinois.

Just An Unusual Day

       Waking up at 6:30 in the morning, I saw the very first sunlight entering my room. A busy day was ahead waiting for me.
       One of the shortcomings of having braces is when you have a cavity between the interface of two front teeth, going in and out on the same day between a dentist's and an orthodontist's is inevitable. I first had my brace wire taken off at the orthodontist's, spent two hours having my filling done at the dentist's, and then went back to the orthodontist's to put new wires back on. Watching Rapunzel while lying on the operation bed certainly made the four hours of torture entertaining.
       Skipping lunch, I went straight to campus to file some paperwork for a potential employment. The company, Mahindra Engineering, requested me to show my diploma when it was not yet ready. I had nothing but a Degree Completion Form to prove I am done with school.  Geez, it was a hassle to obtain that.
       I really wish things would get easier on me as time passes. Being hopeful!
     
       Below is a reminder from Pink, Try, to myself. I gotta get up and try, no matter how many times of failure.

A Facebook Addict

       "友情也好，愛情也罷。你來，我熱情相擁。你走，我坦然放手。只要你不離不棄，哪怕一輩子我也願意奉陪到底。"

       I read this post on Facebook today morning. Although I am not sure who said it, it spoke to my heart. It's for either friendship or love relationship. I am more than welcome when it comes, but happy to let go when it decides to leave. As long as it's not given up, I am not going anywhere without.
       I want to be with someone because of love, but I also stay away for the very same reason. I am not benevolent. I simply know what belongs to me.

Facebook

       Once upon a time, someone unfriended a girl on Facebook. The girl then thought being unfriended was because someone chose not to check on her status updates, not because she was hated. A few days ago, the girl unfriended a boy on Facebook for the very same reason.
       Once upon a time, a boy unfriended someone on Facebook and blocked her visibility to his public profile because he hated her. He used to think maybe open her visibility again would be a good revenge, so that she could see how better off he was, but he did not do that. A few days ago, the boy opened his status updates to public for some unknown reason.
       The girl who unfriended the boy is able to see his updates and profile now. She thought she already forgot about this boy and everything about him, but reading his old status updates and her old posts on his wall, she smiled.
       She still loves him, I think.

Diploma

       I had an interview today at a home construction company. I was pretty happy about what I applied for until the CEO said something striking my mind. "With you degree and grades, you can do much more than what I am asking for." Is that a compliment? Maybe half-half. I have been feeling under the weather because of that.
       Industrial Engineers are capable of doing many things. I am, like many people, fascinated by the fact that how much we can do for the society, but am I really qualified to be a good engineer without having any full-time experience? I doubt.
       Because of my degree, I now carry a lot of expectations. More than $55,000 per year even as an entry level, working in a clean environment, and leading a team to achieve whatever goal... Sometimes I wonder if I really deserve those. A Bachelor degree is great, but a piece of paper indicating my education background is not equal to what I can really do.
        Sorry if I turn some of you down for my low confidence of myself. The truth hurts.

Gym

       Once upon a time, human got tired of outdoor exercise and then invented machines to help them work out. After years of improvement, these artificial physical challenges have become very popular. I am one of the big fans.
       One of the main advantage of the challenges is that you know what is coming up by looking at the monitor. Thirty minutes remaining, you are riding bicycle on a uphill. The machine has to be running at a certain rate, or a warning shows up, which means you have to work hard on this artificial challenge.
        Fifteen minutes remaining, you are half way there. Now you think, "I am tired, should I stop?" You can go play with the running machine for a little bit and then come back to continue on the rest, or maybe a mouth full of fresh water is good enough to recharge your energy. Temptation, temptation...
        Eight minutes remaining, apparently you didn't stop at fifteen minutes because of too much hesitation. Giving up at this point is sort of meaningless. You have been riding the bike for more than twenty minutes, you can totally handle the rest.
        Five minutes remaining, you are exhausted. "Holy molly, I am dying!" You think, "oh well, I can do this!" Disregarding how much you sweat, how bad you smell, how thirsty you are, you keep going because you have a belief.
        One minute remaining, you see hope, future, and happiness. Your head is running a script saying thank you to whoever contribute in your achievement. "I thank my mom and dad giving me a healthy body; I thank my friends being supportive and encouraging; I thank my neighbor's dog not biting my legs off..." Right before this significant moment, everything becomes dramatic.
        Congratulations! You have reached the top of the hill! Tears, sweats, and saliva mix together. You are so happy that it's finally done, and you forget you look supper-dupper ugly right now.
         I looked at myself in the mirror. I laughed. Silly me, I only achieved a fake challenge, not real.